If society stood up for individuals, we would not have any abuse. Sadly, we live in a world where people “only watch” when a group- hurts, beats or molests another, be it man, woman or child It is baffling because the numbers watching usually, outnumber those that that the perpetrators.
Fear of being hurt, fear of being hunted down later by the ‘bad guys’ can still be understood, but most often it is ‘none of my concern’ it’s a family matter when a woman is burnt, dragged on the street, stripped and humiliated. When an innocent 5-year-old boy is picked up for the sex market, some police stations even refuse to make a note of it, saying don’t worry he’ll come home! Ignoring such instances, brushing these casually under the carpet kick starts the “abuse” syndrome
What are we made of – definitely not humanity. There is nothing humane about “watching abuse” or “perpetuating abuse”. Complete and utter apathy towards Life and what it stands for
Let’s have a look at this reality:
A College Fete has been organized and the music is blaring ,boys and girls are playing games, buying food, some parents are mulling around talking loudly with pride about their children’s achievements. A thirteen-year-old girl, Sadhna, has come to pick up her sister and the family is in a hurry to get her back for the brother’s engagement ceremony in the evening. Sadhna, tells her uncle and mother to wait while she will go to her sister’s stall and get her. She pushes her way through the crowd and suddenly to her surprise finds herself in a clear circle, she senses something is not right and turns to go back. The circle of men closes in on her and she feels hands touching her, ripping off her clothes … her mind cannot comprehend what is going on – a nightmare! She screams but no one can hear her voice is drowned by the music and loud chatter. As suddenly as it happened, everyone is gone and she is on the ground. A hand picks her up asks “ what happened? She breaks loose and runs back to her uncle, tears streaking down, she was in tatters. Her mother takes one look at her and gives her tight slap. The incident is never referred to again
What happened here?
A thirteen-year-old became a Victim of Abuse through absolutely no fault of hers and was made to feel that it was her fault.
The group of young men, drunk in their manhood, decided to have some “fun” walked away laughing with no penalty or guilt. The Abuser
The Family, angry at what happened, ill equipped to handle the incident made matters worse by pinning the “fault” on the girl and swept it under the carpet. The Silent Observer – also the Abuser & this is more dangerous one !
The question that goes over and over again in one’s mind is “what makes these people be these Destroyers of Innocence, hearts made of stone, evil?
Often India’s poverty and large numbers are provided as an excuse for all large scale issues or behavior. This however, would hold water if there was class of economically deprived people that were doing this. This particular instance stated above was orchestrated by an individual that belonged to the most powerful and rich families of the country
So having money or not does not make you or not make you an aggressive oppressor.
Could it be your education or lack of it. Again the number of cases of people who have a string of important degrees and have yet committed heinous crimes is littered across the country
Is it family upbringing? While we may like to believe that and throw the blame on someone and who best than the parents who were responsible for bringing the heinous individual into this world. However, often the parents have no such traits and are horrified at the act itself.
Must be the peer group – friends. Parents would jump at that one. My son is an innocent boy, his friends are all bad and influence him … I feel like laughing at that one. You can be influenced only if it appeals to you – not otherwise. Invariably these are what we see , learn & adopt as sub conscious behaviorial traits very early in life by watching adults around us.
To my mind the blame cannot be squarely out on any one area but there are multiple factors that when they come collectively have a negative effect and create these obnoxious personas.
I believe the most important is Lack of Moral education. Some schools used to teach it as Moral Science, a fun class which was activity based. You learned basic moral tenants that helped guide your path positively and because you learnt it along with your peers you were more or less on the same page of being on the right side. It has gone – vanished from the schools, replaced by, probably extra classes to stuff more information down the children’s throats. Also isolated families without grand parents are making kids miss out on many vital lessons in life. If you don’t get un conditional love , you will never understand it , how will you ever give it !!
Nani, nana, dada and dadi, with their endless stories now found in Indrajal comics. They had the time, patience and inclination to spend quality time narrating the didactic to the young ones and its was all stuffed in their heads before they learnt to “ No Way”
Parents too had time to read and spend time with the children, now with the new work culture of working 12 hours a day or you don’t qualify for a promotion. The maids are not likely to spend time educating your kids – they have enough on their own plate anyway.
The second is a lack of time in this race to death, everybody is in a hurry, time is flying past, hurdling towards the inevitable. No time to smell the roses or chill with family. Even if you do have time its spent on watching movies, TV or now some gizmo.
The third is lack of a connected focus law and order that makes such crimes impossible to get away with. Last night there was a candle march for a young girl, raped and killed. The police havn’t a clue who did it.
In college we had a riddle “If there is a group of cops standing on one side of the road and some Gunda’s on the other side, which side you walk from ? The Gunda’s of course, because if the cops are Henious, which sometimes they are – who will save you from them? That’s pretty much the level of trust we have in our law and order. Justice on this score is getting there but they still have a long way to go.
The fourth is Society, something that we need to talk about in detail.
While the Social Stigma of society prevents the victim from reporting the case, fear of telling the family, even more so if it is a boy. It seems to have no effect whatsoever on the Abuser, where it is known that the individual has abused another individual, be it a husband, wife or child?
How did that happen? So I have some basic questions to ask
- Would you invite an uncle to a marriage or a party if you knew he had molested some child in his yester years?
- Would you sit at the table with a woman who beats her children for the smallest of reasons?
- Would you keep quite if you knew that an individual has this habit and you know that people are not aware of it and their children are at constant risk?
- Would you look the other way if you saw your own child being abused? Would you look the other way if you saw someone else’s child being abused?
- Would you look away if your daughter is beaten by her husband for dowry or will you wait for her to commit suicide and then cry foul saying that he has been doing this for years.
Who are you? What kind of person are you? Look at yourself and the mirror and see if you see a person you can live with
The day we as a social network stand up against this. It will change. Be the change you want to bring.